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Thursday, June 14, 2012

My Friend


 Just found out that a good friend has been diagnosed with lung cancer and the doctors are saying he has less than six months to live.

   What do you say at a time like this? You can try to be cheerful and offer the same ole platitudes, the doctors can be wrong, you're a fighter and you can beat this, don't dwell on it and just enjoy every day of life.

   Those might sound good and they may be the things you would say to a stranger but for me anyway they are not how I feel about a friend. I will try my best not to be negative around him but it's going to be very hard to keep a positive attitude knowing I'm going to lose a friend. Everyone loses friends but to know ahead of time, to mentally count the days to try to cram everything you can think to do into each day always wondering if this one will be the last.

   I can't help but think of the plans we've had for camping trips or just days of sitting around visiting. I feel guilty for not visiting as much as I should have, putting it off just because I didn't feel good that day or just didn't fell like driving that far.

   I am willing to spend as much time as possible and to help in any way I can during the time he has left but how will I know that I'm not forcing him into doing something, including just visiting, that he may not want to do. I don't want to take a chance on making him feel obligated to do things to make me happy. I feel totally inadequate and helpless but do not want to do anything just for the sake of making myself feel better.

   My plan is check on him as often as I can. I will be there if he needs anything. If there's something he wants to do I will do everything I can to make it work. If he needs to talk I will listen and if he chooses to be alone I will respect that. I will try my best to be the friend he deserves.